This War of Mine
by mayberainy
Summary: In the midst of an ugly war, something beautiful blooms. AU.
1. Eye of the Beholder

**Chapter 1: Eye of the Beholder**

 **In which Sakura does not blossom in the springtime of her youth, she wilts.**

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Sakura Haruno was not born for war, but she was raised by it. She grew with rationed food, with ripped and hemmed and tattered clothing, with crying mothers and crying children, and she knew nothing else.

Konoha fell victim to the Great War, or simply _the War,_ as some people liked to say with hints of disdain under their breaths, when Sakura was merely five years old. She could not remember much about life before wartime, but she was fairly certain there was much more food to spare and much less tension permeating the air in those forgotten years.

Things changed as soon as Kiri declared war on Konoha. Factories were instructed to only make weapons and military gear, farmers were required to hand over a certain amount of their harvest in preparation for the soldiers, and the borders were immediately shut down.

They took the men, aged 18 to 40. At first, they only took the volunteers, but as the fighting dragged on and on, the drafts began. But Konoha was not a large country, and eight years into the war, there were no more men to take.

Then they took the boys, as young as 13. It was a solemn day, Sakura remembered, the sun was unfittingly bright and the heat was stifling. Mothers watched their sons, their _children_ , march off to war without an inkling of an idea if they would ever be seen alive again.

On this day, Sakura watched many of the boys she grew up with leave for the battlefield. They were supposed to all go back to school again that upcoming September, at their village's only schoolhouse at the very top of the hill. The classroom would be suffocatingly empty.

But Naruto and Sasuke were not just nameless faces she can group with the rest of her classmates. The three of them had known each other since birth and never learned how to live without each other. They had just reached the cutoff age, and this time there was no draft. There was an order.

Konoha might have ordered them to the battlefield, but Sakura ordered them to come home safely. She cried only when they turned to leave and the train carried them far, far away to where they have never ventured before. (Away from her.)

And it still was not enough.

They took the girls no more than a year later, but they did not take the women, lest they be a country of soldiers. On that morning, Sakura reported to the station like a good soldier, armed with nothing but a brave face and the clothes on her back.

Mebuki sobbed, holding fast to her daughter and not wanting to let her go. She had already lost a husband to this forsaken war and now Konoha wished to take the rest of her family as well. But she was one of the lucky ones. There were some families (women who have been left behind) who had been a victim of all three calls to war. She had been subject to only two.

Within hours, the girls were put on a train and whisked away to Foxtrot 3, a camp that laid in the flat lands near the north border. It served as both a military base and a training camp because Konoha lacked the funds to build them separately.

Sakura stepped off the train and took a breath of fresh air, which was a luxury after being cramped in a crowded train car for hours on end. It was cool and crisp in the north, something she was unused to. Her hometown experienced heavy heat for all but two months of the year, which made it an ideal farming village.

"Sakura-chan!" a voice screamed, and it wasn't hard to immediately recognize who it was. A familiar figure came barreling towards her.

"Naruto!" she yelled back and was nearly knocked by the force of his hug. "I missed you so much." She buried her face into his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him, forcing the tears away.

When they finally pulled apart, she grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him over. "You've grown so much in just a year, seriously! You used to be so short."

"It's because he eats other people's rations too." Sasuke interrupted, approaching them from out of nowhere, "Blame him for why rationing is so bad back home."

Sakura grinned and threw her arms around him as well while Naruto punched him on the shoulder with a scowl.

"How'd you guys know I would end up here?" she asked, looking up at the two of them curiously.

Naruto shrugged. "Well, we heard about girls being ordered to serve. And everyone else from the village ended up at Foxtrot 3."

"Surprisingly, Naruto has his smart _ish_ moments."

"Asshole!"

Sakura laughed and allowed herself to be momentarily happy that the three of them were finally reunited.

 **.**

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Sakura started in the medical program, like all the rest of the girls. It was not by choice, they had been forced into it. While Konoha was desperate to summon the fairer sex to war, they still placed them in these traditionally womanly roles.

Training was quick, evidence of the desperation of the war effort. They had to get the girls trained and ready to go to the field as soon as possible. Unlike the training for soldiers, practice was limited. A soldier could shoot a target, but no one would ever intentionally break an arm or be shot for the sake of some snotty brats learning a few things.

They learned by following the doctors around during their rounds, learning only the about the injuries that appeared before them, and not worrying about anything that did not enter the infirmary. As long as they had the basics, they would be able to figure out the finer details by themselves.

And while she was damn good at medical procedures, but her aim was even better. She learned this a few weeks into her training when Naruto and Sasuke took her out to the range with them once, on the rare occasion when they were all free.

"I really don't think this is allowed," Sakura said, holding Naruto's service rifle in her hands, "Don't they keep an eye on ammo levels and stuff like that?"

"Maa, it's fine, Sakura-chan. It's just for fun and a few shots won't hurt." He patted her back reassuringly and pushed her gently towards the range, where they had prepared a target for her at 100 meters away.

Sakura looked at Sasuke, who only shrugged. It wasn't his rifle.

She sighed. The risk was pretty high, no matter what Naruto said. But even so, when else would she get to shoot a gun? Not at any other time at camp, and certainly not at home. Surely it would be fine if it was just the once.

The only problem was figuring out how to actually work the damn thing. Naruto had been incredibly vague when describing how to use the firearm. Sasuke was a bit more helpful, but in the end, she could only rely on what she had observed in the past. She closed her left eye, tilted her head, raised the barrel, and lined it up with the target, in the same manner she had seen the soldiers do. Her fingers closed on the trigger.

The gun fired and she was almost knocked back by the recoil. And why had no one told her how loud it would be? She groaned and held the ear that had been closest to the gun, hoping to stop the ringing in her head.

"You hit dead center," Sasuke's words penetrated her thoughts, his voice a mix of wonder and confusion. He rose from his chair to get a closer look, reaching past Sakura to pull the rope to bring the target closer.

It was true, on the flimsy piece of paper, there was a distinct bullet hole right at the bullseye.

"Holy shit," Naruto muttered, childishly putting his finger through the hole, "You're a crackshot, you gotta do that again!"

Sakura stared dumbfounded at the paper, but nodded anyway. They set up a new target and placed it further back, first to 200, then 300, and even all the way to 400.

On all three targets, there was a hole in the center. "But the 400 meter one doesn't count," Sakura huffed, holding said target in her hands, "I completely missed the first shot on it. Not even on one of the other rings, just not on the paper at all!"

"Are you kidding me? It's impressive you hit anything at all. You've never even held a gun before!" Naruto waved the rest of the papers in her face. "Even Teme completely whiffed it his first, like, five times at the range."

Sasuke scowled at Naruto's comment, but chose to ignore the blond. "He's not completely wrong," he admitted, "I didn't _whiff_ my first time, but I certainly didn't hit center until a week into training. You just might be in the wrong program."

At their praise, Sakura grinned. "Thanks guys, but this is probably the first and last time this is ever going to happen. But I'm glad you guys convinced me to come out and try it."

"Uzumaki. Uchiha."

The two boys stiffened and slowly turned to face the approaching officer. They obviously recognized him by the way their faces paled, but Sakura had never seen the man before. She certainly would have recognized his mask or his eyepatch if she had.

They were screwed. They were _past_ screwed. Not only were they not allowed to be at the range without permission, but they had brought a girl and allowed her to hold and fire a weapon. It was a near dischargeable offense.

"Captain Hatake," they greeted in unison, immediately shifting to stand at attention. Naruto stuttered slightly and gave a backward glance at Sakura while Sasuke shifted to block her from view, but it was too late.

"And just what the hell do you think you're doing at the range during off hours?" His one visible eye bore into them, past them, and into Sakura, who shuddered at the stern sound of his voice. The gun in her hand felt hot, and she wanted nothing more than to drop it and run. And maybe scream just a little bit.

"Nothing sir, just practicing," Sasuke replied evenly, his calm facade not betraying the pure panic they were all experiencing.

The officer did not respond immediately, staring at them for what felt like an eternity. "You will run fifty laps around the camp as punishment. I expect them to be finished before the dinner bell. You are dismissed."

There was no way they really got off that easy. Sakura let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and looked up at the two of them.

Sasuke shook his was no point in questioning it, only to be thankful that they were only let off with this warning.

"I didn't say you could leave, girl."

Sakura froze.

He looked at Sasuke and Naruto expectantly. "You will receive you firearm back tomorrow, Uzumaki. Now, I believe I did, in fact, dismiss the two of you."

With one last parting look before her inevitable demise, Sasuke and Naruto followed the Captain's orders, probably off to complete their punishment.

Sakura struggled to avoid looking him in the eyes, but she tried to stand at attention, copying how Naruto and Sasuke had done it: hands behind back, back straight, and chin up.

"What's your name?" he asked, after taking a moment to look over her with his calculating eye, as if assessing everything about her.

"Sakura Haruno," she squeaked, and then hastily added, "U-uh, sir."

"Well Sakura Haruno, you do realized how serious of an infraction it is for you to be shooting that gun, let alone shooting it."

"I fully understand. But it was all my idea! I dragged Naruto and Sasuke into this, they're innocent, I swear."

The Captain raised an eyebrow and then looked over to the range, where one of the targets she had shot was still hanging.

"Do it again."

"What?" Sakura sputtered, "I-I'm not sure what you mean."

"I'm going to place it at 600 meters and I want you to hit the bullseye," he explained, already in the process of replacing the paper and setting its distance, "I was watching the three of you for a while before I interrupted, I know it certainly wasn't the other two who put the bullets through those targets."

Sakura simply gaped at him.

"Well? Target won't shoot itself, you know."

Was that a joke? Sakura can't tell, but she repressed a grimace. First he's glaring and reprimanding them and then a split second later he's joking? Her heart couldn't handle this.

Slowly, she set herself up like she had hesitated. The distance was far greater than she had previously shot at, and not to mention her complete miss at 400. There was no telling if the same would happen yet again. But she could feel Captain Hatake staring her down. Sudden good mood or not, his gaze was intense.

The moment the bullet erupted from the barrel of the gun, the world seemed to slow down around them. Her eyes watched the bullet, traversing its path down, down, down the range, all 600 meters of it. She felt herself sitting back, clicking the safety on slowly, but not daring to turn her attention away.

It approached the target and its path became strikingly clear. Not a complete miss, for which she was immensely relieved, but it was not a direct hit either. The bullet pierced the target and suddenly the world reverted to its normal speed.

Even so, the two of them stood there for a while. Captain Hatake did not say nor do anything, while Sakura was simply too scared of his wrath to do much else. Instead, she clung to the gun and shifted her gaze nervously between him and the target.

He moved suddenly and she resisted the urge to flinch away, but he only reached up to pull the rope and bring the piece of paper close to them. As it approached, the position of her shot became glaringly obvious. No, not a bullseye, because it seemed her luck had run out, but it at least stood at the very edge of it, right at the line between the center circle and the first contrasting ring.

The deafening silence continued to reign, even as he took the paper in hand and studied it carefully. Surely there couldn't be anything quite so interesting that it required so much attention?

"This is your first time shooting a gun at that distance, correct?" he asked, eye flickering up to look at her for a brief second before returning to study the page.

She nodded.

The Captain muttered something under his breath which her ears could not pick up. "Alright," he sighed, folding the target and putting it into his pocket, "That will be all for now Haruno. Please return Uzumaki's service rifle to me."

"R-really, that's it?" Sakura tried to resist the smile that tugged on the corners of her lips as she placed the gun in his outstretched hand. But even so, there was no hiding the pure shock and elation that crept into her voice.

"Yes, and I suggest you don't hang around much longer, unless you wish to be running alongside your other two friends."

Well he certainly didn't need to tell her twice. Like she had wanted to form the very beginning, she broke out into a sprint that take her far, far away from the scary man and the firgin range. She needed to go find Naruto and Sasuke and kick their asses for getting them in so much trouble.

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No one but Sakura noticed when Captain Hatake entered the infirmary with man she didn't recognize. He had long brown hair that definitely could _not_ be regulation and a toothpick sticking out the side of his mouth.

"It's this one?" the brown-haired man whispered non-too-discretely and pointed towards her.

Maybe if she ignored them, they would go away and she could forget all about the incident that happened the day before. After she ran off and the boys had finally finished their laps, she made sure to find them and give them both a good punch to the back of the head. With love, of course.

Kakashi hummed something like recognition and the pair approached the group surrounding the doctor they had been assigned to shadow for the day.

"Sorry Dr." Hatake paused and squinted at the medic's nametag, "Shimada. I hope you don't mind but we'll have to borrow Haruno here for a little bit."

"Of course, Captain."

Sakura scowled, but said nothing as they led her out of the infirmary and continued walking. Soon, they were out of the area of Foxtrot 3 that she was familiar with. The medical area and doctor's offices was the farthest she had been thus far, and it was a good indicator of where the training area ended and actual military base began. They entered one of office buildings.

As the go into one the offices, the unknown man took a seat behind the desk and she was ushered by the Captain to sit in one of the chairs in front of it. He took the other.

There was a plaque on the desk and Sakura learned forward to read it, eager to finally learn this man's name. Colonel Genma Shiranui, it read, in pristine gold letters.

"I've talked to the Colonel about your time at the firing range a few days ago." The Captain nodded to the man sitting in front of them.

Sakura grimaced. Well all hope that she could just forget the incident was out the window. "Ah, right, I'm extremely sorry about that, sir, I can promise it will not happen again."

"Don't worry," Genma laughed, which was strange to hear from such a high ranking official, "You're not in trouble or anything. Those service rifles, without a scope and long distance modifications are only supposed to have an effective range of 300 meters. Did you know that haven't been any records like yours in the past 20 years? Granted, we've only been in war for 9 of those and your shots aren't officially on record, but it's still rather impressive."

Kakashi cleared his throat. "To get straight to the point, we'd like to switch the program that you're in. It's a bit unorthodox to be sure, but aim like yours doesn't come around too often. All females have been assigned to the medical one, correct?"

"Huh?" Sakura stared at both of them incredulously, unable to collect herself enough to offer them much more of an answer than that.

"We thought about placing you in field training with the boys who just arrived, but Genma and I think it would be better to place you in the long range division. You certainly have the scores for it."

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head, "I don't understand. I didn't hit the target center at 600 meters and I _missed_ at 400. I can't do something like that! Aren't I just supposed to stick with the program I'm in?" There had been no female in the frontlines of any of Konoha's wars before, at least not officially. There were rumors of women dressing as men to take their relatives places, but what they were offering her some completely different.

"I suppose it's your choice, in the end," the Colonel shrugged and sat back in his chair, "But it's a damn shame to not use it. I won't lie, training will be more work than you're used to, but I think it's worth it. In my humble opinion."

He sighed and fiddled with the toothpick, switching it between the corners of his mouth. When neither Sakura nor Kakashi had anything more to say, he spoke again, "Well, you don't have to give an answer right now, but we'd like something official by the end of the week. You know where my office is."

Kakashi turned to her, "You can find your way back, right?" His eyes, however, were not on her and something unsaid seemed to be exchanged between the two men. She ignored it.

Instead, Sakura only nodded numbly and left when they dismissed her. Her mind was swimming with the possibilities that they were hinting. They had the power to actually go against such old regulations? And not to mention how difficult it would be. Long range meant her aim had to improve drastically, certainly not miss something that was only 100 meters away. Besides, there was also-

"Sakura."

She jolted when a hand was placed on her shoulder, gently shaking her.

"I've been calling your name for a while now," Sasuke said with a frown, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, it's…" she trailed off and bit the inside of her cheek. She wanted to tell him, she could really use the advise, but was she allowed to?

Fuck it. If they were breaking the rules by even thinking about putting her in a different program, she could break the rules too and let him know. "You remember how Captain Hatake kept me behind while you two ran laps?" she asked, tugging his sleeve to walk her back to the infirmary, "Well he had me shoot again at 600 meters. I missed the bullseye, by the way, and he dismissed me."

Sasuke nodded slowly as she told her story.

"I thought it would be the end of it, but him and Colonel Shirui pulled me from training today. They want to switch me out of my program."

He stopped in his tracks, looking at her with shock. "They want to what?" he asked and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What other tracks are girls even allowed to go into?"

"That's what has me worked up! They said they want to put me in the long distance program."

"No. Absolutely not, you're not allowed to accept."

"What!?" she hissed, glaring at him, "Since when do you get to make my decisions for me?"

"Since I know your mother and I know what she would have to say about it. Sakura, do you even know how dangerous it is?" He glared back.

"I _know_ that. Don't you think I had to come to terms with that when you and Naruto left? You know what? I'm sorry for telling you." She turned away from him and began to stalk off, refusing to let him see the tears that she could feel threaten to spill.

"Sakura," he said tersely as he grabbed her wrist, "This conversation isn't over."

She refused to face him and instead, wrenched out of his grasp. "Yes, it is. I'll see you later, Sasuke." After walking a few feet away, she added, "Don't follow me."

How the hell did she know that? Sasuke tsked, but did as she asked, turning hotly on his heels to go find Naruto. Maybe the idiot would see his point and talk some sense into her. He could certainly convey the point a lot better, he had a way with his words.

"No, you're really just an asshole," Naruto concluded when Sasuke had found him in the barracks, "Sure, it's dangerous but Sakura's tough. Besides, I think it's pretty awesome. No other girl has done it before." He looked over to Sasuke laying on his bed. "Honestly, have you ever considered being nice to Sakura-chan? Even, like, just once."

Sasuke groaned and slammed his face into his pillow. "Shut _up_ , dobe!"

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To be honest, her decision was made after her conversation with Sasuke. The next morning she went right up to Colonel Shiranui and accepted his offer. Training would start at the beginning of next week, he had told her, not even attempting to hide the grin as she told him the news.

In hindsight, she really should have at least thought it over a bit when she calmed down and talked to Naruto about it as well. She still felt a little guilty about the last part, Naruto was one of her best friends and deserved to know, but there was no backing out and getting his opinion now.

There was only one group of long distance specialists still in training and though they already halfway through the program, she was placed with them anyway. The training was designed to be short, only a month in total, Konoha needed soldiers on the field sooner rather than later.

Genma was right when he said training would be hard. She had never been pushed like this before in her life. After being assigned a uniform that was still much too baggy on her, she was thrown into the deep end, right into training with a group of boys who had two weeks of experience on her. The first day was thoroughly exhausting and by the end of training, she was tired and sweaty and almost about ready to give up. Not to mention she hadn't even held a gun yet, what other purpose was there to go through the motions of everything else?

There were snide remarks from the other trainees. Of course no one wanted a girl there, it was strange and unprecedented and just plain _wrong_. It wasn't overt bullying, like what she had experienced when she was little, with hair pulling and name calling. It was worse, the insults to her supposedly legendary aim, her physical abilities, her _gender_.

If the instructors were biased as well, they did a much better job of hiding it because they never said anything. At least not at the very beginning. She suspected it was only because they dared not go against the Colonel's direct orders. None of the instructors were above the Lieutenant rank themselves.

"It's hard. I never used to run before this," she sighed, resting her back against Naruto's. It was another one of those are occasions where they all had free time off. "Did you guys have to go through this when you were still in training?"

Sasuke shrugged. "I don't understand why they're having you train so hard. If you're going to be fighting the enemy from a distance, what's the point in having to be able to do everything that a normal soldier can?" He was still unhappy about the whole situation, but he had at least apologized. And hearing Sasuke of all people apologize was priceless.

"Better safe than sorry," Naruto countered, making sense for once in his life.

On the third day, they placed her own service rifle in her hands. It was different than the one given to the normal infantry. Though it used the same ammo, it was modified to shoot from a farther distance, outfitted with a longer barrel and a scope.

Then they took her back to the range, but this time, they set the target at a full 1000 meters. Sakura set up as she had before and tried to ignore the instructors and the trainees hovering around her. Their gaze was not as intense as the Captain's, but it unnerved her nonetheless. And though it should be much easier with the aid of the scope, her fingers hesitate on the trigger.

She fired three times, like they had ordered her to. The first only barely skimmed the edge of the target and her ears burned in shame. There was snickering behind her and it made her grip the gun tighter. She could not hear the words that were being said about her, but she could certainly imagine them. She took a deep, shuddered breath and readjusted.

There was no hesitation between the second and third shot, she fired them in quick succession. The talking ceased and they were instead left in an uncomfortable silence as the instructor retrieved the target. Two bullet holes sat side by side in the dead center of the page for everyone to see.

The instructor was the first to speak. Lieutenant Mizuki cleared his throat and stared down at her with obvious disdain. "I was lead to believe you were better than this, Haruno," he sneered, "Both Captain Hatake and Colonel Shiranui endorsed your admission into the program. They would surely be disappointed."

Her mouth twisted into a scowl and she bit back the words she wanted to say.

"Am I understood, Private?"

Sakura gritted her teeth. "Yes sir."

Eventually, the training got easier. Not by much, but enough so that she built up muscle on her skinny frame and she swore she could even see the beginning of a six pack. Her aim improved immensely as well, perhaps partially out of spite, but no matter how perfect her scores, the Lieutenant always found something to criticize her on.

Graduation came earlier than expected and only those who were able to pass the final examination were allowed onto the field. She had only been in the program for two weeks, half the time that the others had been enrolled, but she passed the with flying colors. And to top it all off, it was Lieutenant Mizuki who reported her scores to her and officially released her for field work.

The day after, they were to be assigned a spotter whose role was to communicate targets to them while they set up for their shots. " _You're_ my spotter, really?" Sakura asked incredulously when Sasuke walked up to her, though she couldn't help the grin that broke out onto her face, "Whose ass did you have to kiss to get that one pulled off?"

He shrugged, that irritating smirk of his tugging the corners of his lips. "Guess you're just lucky."

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Her first deployment (and Sasuke's third) was a week later, in the middle of the forest in a clearing that laid on the border between Konoha and Iaw. It was where the trenches had been dug and a battle had already been raging for months. Her orders were simple, set up where she could get a clear view and unobstructed shot, take out any of the Kiri soldiers she could, and most importantly, do not let her position be compromised.

So they observe the area. There wasn't much high ground for her to work with, the forest and the area surrounding was mostly flat land for miles and miles. But Sasuke was her spotter for good reason, and he found a tree behind enemy lines that stood far above the rest. It wasn't an ideal spot, but it would do.

It was early in the morning that they prepare, in the time just before the sun and the rest of the soldiers would rise. They stuck to the shadows, away from the fleeting daylight that began to permeate the day and hid in the dense foliage of the forest around them. They made it near the top of the tree before each of the opposing sides began to stir and the nightwatch was replaced with the day shift.

They would have to act soon. The push that the Konoha troops in the trenches, the 16th and 19th Platoons, was heavily reliant in the confusion that her shots would cause. There was only a little less than a hour until the rest of the Kiri camp would be fully awake.

The first half of the hour was spent observing the enemy trenches with a watchful eye, learning the layout and the guard schedules and paths.

Sasuke held the binoculars to his eyes, twisting the focus delicately. "Velocity 4 west, distance 600, first target armed and isolated, section 3," he whispered, choosing the man who stood the farthest away from his counterparts. His body would be discovered the slowest and buy them some more time.

"Copy," Sakura quietly replied, bringing the scope to her right eye. The wind would shift her bullet slightly off its course and the distance would only cause a minimal drop. The position in the tree would factor in as well, her aim was steadiest when lying prone, but she could keep the sway of her barrel to a minimum. She found her target quickly and adjusted her aim according to the conditions.

There was no time to hesitate. They only had minutes to complete their mission, but even still, this was a life she was taking. A man who was a son, perhaps a husband or a brother or a uncle or an infinite number of possibilities. But undoubtedly, he was a man who had a life away from this war. And all she had to do was pull the trigger to take it all.

Sasuke's voice probed her thoughts. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

He lowered his binoculars to look at her. It was obvious she was lying, or else she would have taken the shot already. He pressed his lips into a thin line and said nothing. It was times like this that he wished he had Naruto's way with words.

Next to him, a gunshot erupted. "Kill confirmed." Sasuke's voice rang out when the man dropped to the floor with a gaping hole in his chest. His licked his dry, cracked lips and searched for their next target. They only had 24 minutes left.

The Kiri soldiers were inexperienced and it was painfully obvious. Even when the bodies were discovered and sniper fire rang out over their heads, they didn't bother to take cover and were not able to trace the origin of the shots.

"Sixth target unarmed and isolated, section 1 _._ "

Sakura found her target and inhaled sharply through her teeth at the sight of him.

He was a child. Baby fat still clung to his cheeks and his fingers barely fit around the handle of his gun. Konoha may have taken those who have only barely reached their teens, but Kiri took _children_. He couldn't be more than 7.

He was tall for his age and was skinny too, but whether it was from genetics or lack of food, she couldn't tell. Like many of his fellow soldiers, his hair was black and had been hastily shaved to a sloppy buzz cut. His eyes were dark, a deep brown, but bright and alive and still full of hopes and dreams that she was about to take away and-

Before she could stop herself, before she had time to hesitate, before she could think about it more than she already had, she pulled the trigger.

It was headshot because her aim was true and the child's body crumpled to the ground in a puddle of red blood and grey brain matter and white skull fragments. And the worst was being able to see it all through her scope.

He felt no pain, she tried to tell herself. That it was over in an instant and she was saving him from this war.

At the last thought, Sakura recoiled and the bile that she hadn't even known was sitting at the back of her throat rose. She turned to the side and vomited.

"Kill confirmed," Sasuke whispered, though she didn't hear him. His hands shook slightly, but he was a soldier first and everything else second. He had to be strong for the both of them and there was no strength in tears. When the retching stopped, he spoke again. "Sakura. This is war."

"I know," she replied, because that made it all okay.

He didn't speak again, not even the "I told you so" that she was terrified to hear, but placed a hand on her back that she didn't shake off. They sat in silence, both too scared to speak.

After that, Sakura's hands were too unsteady to shoot again, but their mission was completed. They had successfully caused enough confusion that the Konoha forces could cross dead man's land without much resistance and storm the trenches.

In the midst of the battle, while all other sides were preoccupied, the two snuck back behind Konoha lines and lost sleep.

 **.**

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The war was over in another 3 years. Though her deployment was nothing in comparison to the 9 years before her service, those 3 years seemed to drag on for a lifetime. The missions they were sent on drew them farther and farther away from the border until they could no longer spot Konoha's rolling green hills and open fields.

Kiri was rather dreary. Everything was either a bog or swamp. Solid footing that wasn't man made seemed to be a rarity in these parts and the Konoha soldiers, who had never had to encroach such territory before, had trouble navigating the lands that the Kiri natives knew and had grown with.

And if that wasn't enough, there seemed to be a constant fog that plagued the land, obscuring one's view and clinging to every little thing, which seemed to weigh everything it touched down. It was a wonder how anyone managed to live in the country. Just visiting made her itch to return home.

It was a sunny day in mid June when Kiri surrendered. Their supplies had dwindled to almost nothing and they had lost countless of their own, civilian and soldiers alike. And though they did not know it at the time, Konoha was not far behind. The leaders of each country met in neutral territory, a small town in Suna, and officially declared the war over.

Within a few short days, the soldiers, from those fresh from training to those who survived all 12 years, were finally sent home to their families.

The trains were packed full as they left the stony walls of Foxtrot 3. Those who had served the longest were to be sent first, leaving Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke on the very last train out of the facility. In comparison to the urgency that had previously plagued the place, it was instead eerily calm as they waited (not-so) patiently for their highly anticipated ride home.

"Hope I never see this shithole again!" Naruto screamed out the window, just as the train's wheels began to move, and they said nothing more for a while, only a unspoken prayer to never have to see such a terrible side of war.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The military officer ranking from lowest to highest in this story goes:

Lieutenant, Commander, Captain, Colonel, General

From here there will be lots of mention of mental illness. Lots of emotional shit. Sakura gets in her own head way too much and Itachi is out of his.

Do I already have too many ongoing stories? Yes. Am I in over my head? Yes.


	2. Tangled Paths and Twisted Vines

**Chapter 2: Tangled Paths and Twisted Vines**

 **War is war. It spares no one. It is bigger than her and there is no escape.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

As the war drew to a conclusion, Sakura found that there were some things to be thankful for. Her father had returned home safely, as had Naruto and Sasuke. The same could not be said about many of the others in their small village and that in itself was difficult. With a town as small as theirs, there was no such thing as an unfamiliar face. In the few summer months following the end of the war, there were funerals upon funerals for their fallen. They began to blend together and they were all the same routine, but their names rang clear as she laid a bouquet on the freshly dug graves.

Other than that, there was not much change in the village. Since the war had, luckily, been fought away from Konoha's lands, their livelihoods had been mostly untouched in the past few years, save for what had been taken for the sake of the war effort. That was inevitable, however, they were mostly farmers after all, and their food was needed to support the soldiers.

Sakura refused to talk about the Great War. Even though she was regarded as somewhat of a legend, whose tale became whispers between wives and mothers (because who had ever heard of a female serving on the battlefield?), she never spoke a single word of her service. It was partly because she resented those years so much. She spent some of her most important years fightings, years were she, and many of her compatriots, should have grown without strife, learned a trade, discovered what life had to offer a growing child. Instead she spent it shooting a gun she never wanted to hold and taking lives which were never hers to take.

So she tried to forget.

It was hard. It took countless sleepless nights and a gun tucked under her pillow at night for the memories to start to fade and things to go back to some semblance of normal. But try as she might, they would never be gone.

When she first returned home, it was like she brought them with her. They followed her, tugged on her clothing, and whispered in her ears. She never dared to acknowledge their existence and she dared even less to look them in the eyes. She had made the mistake before and she will never forget the rage and the fear that was something just shy of human.

It was only in sleep that their whispers became screams and their soft tugs became clawing and grabbing. She may not have woken with scars, but she woke with more memories to add to the long list of those she wished to forget. But slowly, they started to leave on their own, stopped haunting both her dreams and her waking hours, and she could only hope they were finally at rest.

On the good days, Sakura was too tired to remember. She fell back into a routine not too unlike the one she had when she left. Gather the eggs the hens had laid, feed the pigs, an entire assortment of tasks to keep her mind busy and never wandering.

On the bad days, she doesn't remember to forget. She doesn't bother to gather the eggs, or feed the pigs, or even leave bed. Instead, she woke up screaming, then broke down and cried and hated herself for doing so because she didn't cry at any of her victim's deaths but she cried out of pity for herself and her own selfish nightmares.

Her mother taught her to sew and mend (which she should have learned in those years, but she pushed those thoughts deep down). Sakura's fingers were nimble and she took to it easily, but never did as exceptionally as Mebuki. The voice in the back of her mind laughed and reminded her that her hands were made to fit the handle of a gun and her fingers were meant to pull the trigger. And that was all she was ever meant to be.

It was one of those good days that Mebuki came and sat on her daughter's bed, before they were to set to start their chores for the day. She said nothing at first and only brought her daughter up to a sitting position. Sakura did not protest, but only closed her eyes and leaned into her mother's touch as the older woman ran a brush through her daughter's wild pink locks and tied them back into a loose braid.

"Have you ever thought about marriage, Sakura?" she asked, twisting the strands of hair together with masterful skill. The action took her back to a time long forgotten, before Sakura has left and before the war had ever started.

Her daughter laughed, soft and hollow, and the words slipped through Mebuki's fingers and became lost.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

School had been canceled in their absence. There were not many students to teach and no resources or time to dedicate to their lessons. And even when the students returned, how could years and years of lessons be made up?

Sakura took to reading, because the thought of not knowing something that she should bothered her. When she finished her work for the day, she sought out Naruto and Sasuke and they taught themselves the things that the world had been too cruel to teach them. It was a nice distraction.

Eventually, books were written about the war and though she resisted for some time, curiosity got the best of her. There was a library in the city to the north, which she visited in order to read one of such books.

It was surreal, to say the very least, to read about the very event that she had been a part of and had encompassed much of her life. The book told stories of battles she had never known the existence of and did so in in a manner than it captivated her attention and drew her deep within its pages.

Until it told about one battle that she had been apart of. The book told of an unnamed sniper and their spotter who had snuck behind enemy lines and caused just enough confusion for the Konoha forces to storm the enemy. It had been an overwhelming victory and-

Sakura slammed the book shut, reshelved it, and never looked back. But even so, it plagued her mind as she rode home. The words had glorified the war, and along with it, the bloodshed of the enemy. It said nothing about the losses Konoha ever had to face, not a single word about the horrors and atrocities that took place, and certainly not the civilians of Kiri caught in the crossfire. They were not from Konoha. Their deaths did not matter.

Worst of all, the book spoke of herself and it reminded her of what she had done and what she could never take back. The mere thought was terrifying, it made her crease her brow and bite her lip til the skin nearly broke and stain her skin with blood that was her own (for once). But it should not have been surprising. History was always written by the victors, spun into tall tales until the reality was lost behind pretty words and torn pages. She had known this since she was young. But the erasure of thousands and thousands of lives sat uneasy in her stomach and lighted an anger in her that she did not like.

Her knuckles grew white as she clenched her fists tightly around the reins of her horse. There was nothing to be done and she forced her mind away from it, from those times and the memories that came with them. She no longer wanted to think about war. Not now, and not ever.

She continued to visit the library every so often, though perhaps with less frequency. She stuck to other topics, from classical literature to theoretical philosophy, anything to occupy her mind. But she steered clear of the steadily growing section of books in the far corner of the library, all of which were dedicated to describing the war in detail.

It was hard, but eventually the nightmares visited her less and less frequently and those loud, disruptive thoughts became quiet whispers in the dark corners of her mind. For a while, things felt like they could be going back to how they once were.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Konoha fell to the Second Great War when Sakura was 22, though it could no longer claim to be the victim. This time it had brought this war upon itself. After 5 impossibly short years of peace, Konoha declared war on Iwa, a nation that did not lie on its border, but was instead far to the west. The tension had been evident for years and had finally spilled over when a recent trade deal fell through.

And because she was raised by war, it was second nature to fall back into the rhythm of rationed food and worn clothing.

This time, Konoha had learned its lesson and not only took the men, but the boys and the girls and still not the women. Fortunately, Kizashi was out of the age of service, but Sakura, even though she sat well above the cutoff age, knew she would have to answer the call to action. War was war. It spared no one, and she did not have so lofty ideals to think that she was above that.

"Lie about it," Mebuki pleaded to her daughter, "I can't let them take you away from me again."

"They have all my documents," Sakura replied and looked away from her mother's crying face, because there was nothing more to be said and nothing more that could be done. She carried on with her daily routine, before that simple luxury was no longer an option.

The day before the date that the eligible were supposed to gather at the train station, there was a knock on their door. Sakura, who had been helping her mother prepare dinner in the kitchen, ran to answer it.

Before her stood a tall, silver-haired man, who did not seem quite as scary or as lively as she remembered. He stood at attention, with his hat in his hands. "Ah, Captain," she greeted him with a nod and a sympathetic smile, "I was hoping to never see you again." Her words meant no disrespect, but she had known him only in war, and not a moment before or after. She stepped aside to allow him entrance.

"It's quite unfortunate, isn't it?" he laughed as he walked inside, placing his cap back on his head. He was quiet a moment and looked around their house in a way that seemed almost reminiscent. "And, equally unfortunately, I am not here for just a house call-"

"Sakura? Who is that?" Mebuki asked, appearing from the kitchen. She wiped her hands on a rag and stopped dead in her tracks upon seeing the man in her living room.

"Captain Hatake, ma'am." He extended a hand towards her.

She ignored it and instead sneered at him. "And I suppose you're just here to take my daughter away, aren't you?" she hissed, her voice gradually growing louder, "You come into my home and smile to my face and pretend you're not just sending her to her death!?

"Mom-"

"She dared to survive the first time, and what? You're just itching to finish the job aren't you? You took her when she was just a child, you know that!? Do you even know what she's going through now because of your stupid wars?"

"Mom, please." Sakura stepped between them, holding her mother back as the older woman approached them.

"No, I'm not done! I-"

"Mother," Sakura repeated, in a voice no louder than a whisper, "The Captain and I are just having a conversation. Nothing has been said yet about my service."

Mebuki frowned and looked at Kakashi one last time before gritting her teeth and leaving the room without another word.

After a moment of silence, he finally spoke. "She's right, you know," he said, his voice holding a certain weight that she had never cared to notice before, "They want you to go back, just like before."

She sighed and looked out the window. "I know."

They leave without any more wasted words.

"When's the last time you fired your rifle? Or watched someone else practice?" Kakashi asked, once they were a fair ways away from the house, and on their way to the recruitment office (which was really just a desk in the corner of the post office, since there was no time or funding to build a real building for military affairs). Because she was over the drafting age for females, they would have to go through a slightly different process, which meant much more forms for both of them to file.

"Why?" Sakura snorted in amusement, "It's not like I've forgotten how. Or have you just lost all faith in me?"

"That's not it, and you know it."

She sighed. "Stop being so vague, Kakashi, whatever you're trying to say, just spit it out already."

He fixed her with a hard look, which she returned. "Alright," he relinquished, "Let me show you what I mean." He drew his pistol, raised it into the air, and fired it.

The world froze around her and she stopped breathing. She didn't remember how, and nor did she want to, because suddenly, all that mattered was the gun in his hand. Instinctively, her hand flew to her shoulder to pull her rifle from her back, but she was only met with thin air. The pistol she kept strapped to her thigh wasn't there either, so she fell to her last resort, the small knife hidden within her boot. Sakura grabbed the handle swiftly, but before she could draw it, she was knocked to the ground and her hands pinned behind her back.

"Sakura. Can you hear me?" A familiar voice, steady and calm, called her name. And when she did not answer or stop struggling, the grip on her wrists tightened, and he repeated himself. "Sakura Haruno. You're safe now, you don't have to worry."

It was slow, but the rest of her surroundings faded back into view, and she was aware of the gravel digging into her stomach. She breathed in deeply. "Oh," she said, in a voice hardly above a whisper, her heart pounding and her eyes wide, "I see."

"That's what I meant." Kakashi helped her to stand, releasing his hold on her once she was steady on her feet, though her hands still shook ever so slightly. "You're not well."

"And I would wager that you aren't either, Captain."

He grunted, neither affirming or refuting her statement. "I shouldn't be surprised. The veteran's affairs department gets little funding, and even if it did, I doubt the budget would include anything for mental health."

"What are you implying?"

"Well now, you've always been a bright one." He continued to walk, not sparing a glance to see if she was following him or not. "War is war. It spares no one."

They approached the office building and he beckoned her inside. She obliged. The door closed with a soft slick behind her and she couldn't help but feel like she had been trapped in the maws of something much larger than herself. And it wasn't the first time.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

When Sakura arrived at the train station the next day like a good soldier, she had more than just the clothes on her back. Her uniform, while a little small, still fit fairly well and she had kept her rifle in pristine condition from the moment it had left service.

"Where are you stationed this time?" Naruto asked her, not dressed in his uniform because he had grown much too tall for it. He faced the train tracks, with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets as they awaited their departure.

"Foxtrot 12. What about you guys?"

Naruto frowned, "Same as last time." His nails dug into the flesh of his palms. "Can't believe they're actually splitting us up."

They turned expectantly to Sasuke. Sakura was only half-listening, however, it was evident where he would be stationed, seeing how they had worked closely together in the last war.

"3."

"What?" Sakura's eyes widened and then furrowed in confusion. If the two of them were stationed at the same base as last time, that would mean she was the one that was being sent away from them. And even further, Sasuke wasn't her spotter?

"Hey, it's okay, Sakura-chan," Naruto reassured her, with the best smile he could muster at the moment, "You're real tough, you'll survive without us." He placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a thumbs up, like he had always done when they were kids.

Sasuke said nothing, but only looked into her eyes and nodded.

Sakura bit her lip and nodded back. She knew she shouldn't have so easily assumed that the war effort would pick up where it had left them and it would be so kind enough to not separate them for a second time. The train rolled into the station.

"You guys write, okay? Keep me updated on everything!" She pulled both of them into one last hug and with those fleeting words, they parted ways to opposite ends of the country.

Somehow, the train ride was longer this time. It wasn't because Foxtrot 12 was farther than where she was previously stationed, but it was weighed down by her thoughts, which were her only company in those long, lonely hours.

The moment she arrived, she was greeted by Genma, who greeted her with a grin and a wave. The toothpick still hung from the corner of his mouth and though it was strange, it was comforting to see something so familiar.

She waved back. "Oh? And to who do I owe the pleasure of being greeted by the Colonel himself?"

"Well, it's because you're in such high demand, of course. Lots to do, people to see," he hummed, turning away and motioning for her to follow, "Things have been advancing far quicker than we initially planned, so we have to a get a move on, now."

She looked around them as they passed through the camp. Unsurprising, the layout was similar to Foxtrot 3, the infirmary was smaller, though, the space given instead to extend the length of the barracks.

"I think you've noticed by now you're going to need a new partner," Genma said as they reached his new office and sat down, "And before you go blaming anyone, it wasn't up to Kakashi or me. Woulda been dumb of us, we know how you two operate. I mean, geez, we've seen it in action."

In all honesty, Sakura was perhaps just a bit mad that she and Sasuke (and Naruto for that matter) had been separated, though she hadn't had much of a chance to express it out loud. The reason the two of them were so effective as a team was because they knew each other and worked well together, even before the war. The unspoken bond between them couldn't so easily be replicated. Her mouth twitched downward and she chose not to respond.

"I know, kid," he sighed, "I'm not happy either. But things have been changing a lot around here. The war with Iwa isn't going to be the same as the war with Kiri. The fighting's not gonna be on the borders, where we are close to home and close to reinforcements." He paused and chewed the toothpick. "Look, I shouldn't be concerning you with shit like this. I want you to meet your new spotter, he's with Kakashi getting the full rundown. I'm sure you'll find the greying bastard somewhere."

Sakura was dismissed and wasn't in too much of a rush to find Kakashi. But she had her orders and the man was surprisingly hard to find when he wanted to be, so she set off to go searching for him. Though his office was in the same building as Genma's, he rarely used it, so she bypassed it entirely.

Unsurprisingly, he was in the supply area, and more specifically, the armory. But despite what the Colonel had told her, he was standing alone. "Yo," he greeted, looking up momentarily from the pistol that he was inspecting.

"I thought you were supposed to be showing the new spotter around. Did you lose him already?"

"Maa, I'm not that irresponsible, have a little bit of faith in me. I sent him to find another .22, the one that was assigned to him was jammed."

"Captain." The sound of footsteps approached them and a man with long, dark black hair approached them and handed the pistol to Kakashi. "I believe this one should be in working order."

Sakura squinted, she swore she had seen him before. There was a familiarity about his face, especially in the deep stress lines that ran below his eyes.

"Well, seeing as the whole family's here, it's time to finally get you two acquainted. Itachi Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, you two will be working very closely from now on."

Uchiha? The same Uchiha like how Sasuke was an Uchiha? She knew everyone in Sasuke's family, even his uncles and cousins, but he never mentioned any family that resided out of the village-oh.

"You're Sasuke's brother, aren't you?" she asked, sticking out her hand to him, "I haven't seen you in a very long time."

He shook her hand politely. "Yes, I've been studying in the city for a while now. I'm glad to see you've been taking care of him, I heard you worked together in the past."

"Oh? You two are already acquainted?" Kakashi asked curiously, "I had figured the same last name was just a coincidence." With how many were required to enlist, it wasn't too uncommon for families to be deployed together. He had checked over the new gun that Itachi had brought and returned it after ensuring it was all in working order.

"Yes, but it's been a few years since we've last met." Sakura shrugged. The truth was that, even though she was best friends with his brother, Sakura knew little about Itachi. In the time that he had been in the village, he was always little more than the enigmatic big brother figure, coming to take Sasuke home and saying nothing more than a polite passing sentence or two to her or Naruto. At some point, she thought she remembered Sasuke mentioning that Itachi had been sent away to attend school in one of the cities, but couldn't be quite sure that she remembered right.

"I see. I was going to take him to the range to test this new gun, but now that you're here, I'll trust you to it. Report to my office in the morning and tell me how it goes." And with a wave, the Captain was gone.

The silence that fell over them was uncomfortable. It wouldn't have happened if it were Sasuke instead, but Sakura quickly forced away that train of thought. She shouldn't be so quick to make comparisons that she had no right to make.

"Did you fight in the last war?" she asked on their way to the gun range, then realized it was a stupid thing to ask. He had most likely been ordered to serve, as had most of the men in Konoha. So she quickly changed her question, "Where were you stationed?"

"Mmm, I didn't serve in the first war, my illness prevented me from undergoing training and being sent to the field."

Ah, she vaguely remembered whispers about his disease from her childhood. Though it was all overheard snippets of the Uchiha family gossiping and whatever Sasuke had told them. It had sounded rather serious at the time, though he had never looked worse for wear. Even now, he seemed healthy. Well, he was rather pale, but that had always been a characteristically Uchiha trait.

"I see. And what of now?"

He hesitated, if only for a fraction of a second. "I have undergone many treatments," he replied, "But no, it is not completely cured."

For some reason, that made her angry. Irrationally so. It wasn't any of her business, so she had no right to feel anything over it, but she couldn't help the emotion welling, burning in the depths of her stomach. "Konoha sent a sick man to the front lines?" she seethed, "Knowing full well your condition?"

He didn't respond at first, only unclipping the pistol from his belt to test it, as Kakashi had instructed. He fired it once, and she flinched away from the sound. Two more shots followed, and she managed to control her reaction. Instead, she focused on the target, which now held a hole through the bullseye, and two more in the immediate surrounding ring.

After he reattached the gun to his hip, he finally answered her. "I appreciate the sentiment, Sakura-san, but you shouldn't be upset on my account. In any case, I think you should worry about your own health." Her reaction to his weapon had not gone unnoticed. Of course. He had always been observant.

"I am physically well, which is all that is required for enlisted," she snapped, the rage that had been building finally spilling over, "You, on the other hand, can't recover from your illness without proper medical treatment. Your life is already at risk, and they're just planning on speeding up the process!"

To this, the corners of his mouth twitched downward, and his eyebrows drew together ever so slightly. "Many lives were lost in the last war, Sakura," Itachi sighed. His voice was calm, but threads of exasperation were laced within it. "There's no helping the fact. I believe they assigned me as spotter because it's less physical exhaustion. They have done at least that."

The heat in her voice faded, but it still maintained some bite and she was no less accepting of the situation. "How are you okay with that?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows in a familiar mix of confusion and anger.

He looked away. "From a young age, I've known I would die young. I suppose this isn't much different."

"Ah," she said, her hands clenching by her side, and nothing more.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Hearing gunshots had been one thing, pulling the trigger was another. She had spent the short week before their deployment almost exclusively at the range, firing blanks until the quiver in her trigger finger ceased and she could fire without hesitation. Luckily, her aim hadn't taken a hit, and she could still hit the bullseye as reliably as ever.

It had been the first day in the range that stuck out to her the most. She had woken up early on purpose, so that there would be no one to watch her struggle in the abilities that were supposed to be her specialties, the only things she was capable of doing. It felt strange, standing with the target so far away, like a sensation both foreign and familiar. Had 1000 meters really always been such a long distance? It wouldn't matter anyway, since the only thing she had loaded into her rifle were blanks, but the sight of those black rings stared at her dauntingly, challenging her. Mocking her.

Sakura frowned, pushing those thoughts away and setting herself to work instead. The motions were natural, instinctual, and she fell into them easily and without much thought. Click back the safety, raise it to her shoulder, adjust the scope if needed, line up the shot, and-

For the first time in a while long (but not the first time in her life) she faltered. Her mind screamed at her to pull the trigger, an infuriatingly simple action that every other soldier could do without fault. She gripped the gun tightly, shaking with intensity and concentration, but as she tried again and again and again, her fingers refused to listen and the gun sat useless in her hands.

With a snarl, she threw her rifle against the floor, and it was a miracle that it didn't misfire. Even though no real damage would have been done, since there were no real bullets loaded in, it still wouldn't have been good had it gone off. She let out a frustrated scream, slamming a fist against the wall that separated her firing lane from the next.

"You're up rather early."

Sakura whirled to face the direction the voice had come from.

Itachi stood in the entrance, dressed in his uniform and looking exactly like a perfect soldier right out of the handbook. All that was missing was the starry-eyed gaze. The thought made her stomach churn.

"I could say the same for you," she replied wearily, too wrapped up in herself to feel ashamed that he caught the tailends of her tantrum. She turned away from him and picked up her weapon from the floor, inspecting it over for damages. Fortunately, there was only a small dent in the handle, but that was purely cosmetic.

He set up a few lanes to the left of her. She tried to ignore him and pretend that she was still alone in the range. The gun righted itself in her grip once more.

She didn't think that she hated Itachi, because that would be childish and wrong when she knew so little about him. But she hated everything about him. She hated his unwavering gaze. His disregard for his own life. The sympathy and pity in his voice when he had spoken to her just days before. The fact that he never had to go to war before now. The fact that he got to live and have a childhood and be free when she was on the battlefield risking her life for Konoha and its people and everyone she has never met or seen and _him_.

But really all of the other things didn't matter. They were all arbitrary points that forced themselves to the surface of her mind to try to convince herself to hate him. Above all else it was his presence. More specifically, his presence there, just a few yards away, separated from her by thin, flimsy walls. The thought was terrifying, it suffocated her, curled around her neck with icy fingers and choked the air from her lungs. Sakura wanted to leave, because she never asked for this and she certainly never asked to be this way. She never asked him to be there. If things had been her way, it would have been Sasuke. Actually, if things went her way there would be no war. There wouldn't have been a first war.

The gun in her hands fired, the evidence not lying in a hole in some arbitrary piece of paper with rings of ink painted on them, but in the trailing smoke that rose from the metal tip. The sudden sound shocked her, and she flinched away from the gun, but didn't let it fall from her grasp. Her heart sped up, or perhaps it stopped beating altogether, she couldn't quite tell, and tendrils of black encroached upon the corners of her vision.

From three lanes down, the sound of gunfire continued.

Sakura thought she would be sick, so she ran. And ran. And ran.

(Because she was a coward.)

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

They were deployed the following week.

It had only been a short time, yet so much had already changed. With hours upon hours spent in the shooting range, Sakura's trigger finger rarely wavered, if at all, and her aim had improved since she had last been on the field. And, at the very least, she could breathe around Itachi. It wasn't his fault, and she truly didn't hate him, it had been a whirlwind of emotion that he had been unfortunate enough to be swept up in.

In reality, Itachi was nice, in a word. Perhaps a bit too polite and spaced out during some inconvenient times, but she could admit that he did his job and he did it well, which was all she could really ask for. Yet past that courteous and cool exterior, there was something that he did a rather good job of hiding. She couldn't blame him.

She saw a lot of Sasuke in him. The comparison made her flinch and she reminded herself to write a letter to him and Naruto when they arrived in Iwa.

The troops from Foxtrot 12 were called Platoon 24. Most of them were veterans of the last war and did not require the initial training that all soldiers were required to complete before seeing the battlefield. They were sent, by boat, to the rocky shores of Iwa, where Konoha forces have already managed to set up a base near the shoreline.

Within this platoon were both Sakura and Itachi, and they spent the ride to Iwa getting well acquainted with the new tools that had been developed between the years of war. The most important was the earpiece radio, which allowed discrete long distance communication. It meant that Itachi could travel closer to the camp to locate and tag previously imperceptible enemies.

They arrived swiftly, and the first thing of notice was how different the terrain was compared to that of Kiri. Gone were the swampy marshes and unbearable heat that seemed to slow down everything around it. Instead, it was replaced with towering hills and mountains, with bitter and biting cold, and uneven, rocky land for as far as the eye could see. It was no closer to the familiar friendly lands of home than Kiri had been, but it was still preferable to the muck that she had to wade through before.

The base in Iwa had no name as of yet, and it didn't really deserve one either. It was merely a messy and unorganized collection of tents. There were no permanent buildings as of yet, and the construction was prioritized on the building of a wall around them for the barest bit of protection in this foreign land. With Konoha having only been at war for a month now, the lack of a protective barrier was unsurprising, but none the less unsettling.

Life there was not easy in the camp. All supplies must either be scavenged from the area or brought in by boat or air drop from Konoha. Food was not the only thing rationed. Ammunition, filtered water, spare clothing, and even medical supplies were counted and locked away from the wandering hands of restless soldiers.

From the moment Platoon 24 arrived, it was abundantly clear that were wasn't much space to work with. It wasn't quite a matter of land as it was a matter of suitable places to lie down to sleep. Tents were something that were almost never sent in supply drops, no matter how frequently they were suggested, and soldiers were packed into wherever they could fit.

Sakura ended up having to share a tent with Itachi. With this, she had no qualms, even if it was a bit cramped. And though she certainly would have preferred a private one for herself, which was a luxury afforded to her in the past, she was certainly in no position to complain. With the night watch duties keeping the sleep schedules on rotation, there was just barely enough tents for all the soldiers to sleep.

The new arrivals were given a single week to get used to the uncomfortable life of the base before they are assigned to their first mission. Kakashi, who traveled with the platoon as the commanding officer, found them during the breakfast bell. They would head out early the next morning, and with any luck, would reach their destination by mid day and without any unforeseen interruptions.

"Good luck," Kiba muttered, through a mouthful of rations. He had been a part of Naruto's squad back at Foxtrot 3 during the last war, and while Sakura could not claim that they were friends, it was comforting to have some sense of familiarity around her. And in any case, it was someone to talk to and keep her from completely losing her mind.

"Thanks." She sighed, and then rose from her seat.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The mission was a success. Rough, perhaps, but a success nonetheless. They had sustained several casualties, and though Sakura did not know them or their names, she mourned them silently.

At the very least, the mission proved that she and Itachi worked well together. They were efficient, and got the job done, though they it was certainly not as smooth as she was accustomed to. But that was neither of their faults. Even so, the word partners left a bitter taste in her mouth and she could not bring herself to ever think of them as such.

If hearing gunfire and firing a gun had been small steps, then the act of taking a life was a leap across a canyon. "Are you okay?" Itachi whispered, low and barely audible to even her at her position at his side. Together with the rest of Platoon 24, they stood at the gates, waiting for instructions to begin their assignment.

"I'm fine."

"You'll be able to shoot, then?"

"Worry about yourself," she snapped, clutching tight the strap of the gun that was slung across her back and turning away from him.

He did not seem to believe her, but if he had more to add, he did not voice it.

Only a few hours later, they sat far above the battleground, far away from the brunt of the action, and she readied herself. Itachi reported the wind and distance to her. He had forgone his binoculars and she her scope, which made their already difficult task even harder. The day was sunny and the glare would have surely given away their position. Another sniper and his spotter, similarly without their scope or binoculars, sat on the ground and tucked deep into the thick underbrush, about three and a half kilometers away. The distance was meant to confuse the targets, since shots would be coming from different directions, but just close enough so they could fall back to each other for backup if needed.

Unlike the range, Sakura had no time to hesitate. There were real consequences now if she couldn't pull herself together. Itachi had found their first target and she forced her trembling fingers still and the perilous thoughts out of her mind. She fired the rifle and with the sound, her stomach churned and threatened to rise to her throat. But that was another thing they could not afford, so she pressed forward and completed their mission.

By the time the short battle was over, she had pulled the trigger four times and landed her shot three. What remained of the platoon set up camp in one of the canyons, it was decided that they would head back to base in the morning. Sakura sat by the small fire and cleaned her weapon, slowly and absentmindedly. Itachi sat down next to her quietly.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, softly, as if apologizing for how roughly she had spoken to him earlier. Her fingers fiddled with the smooth metal of the gun, taking the parts she had stripped off and putting it back together.

"Fortunate, I think. I don't think I would have…" He trailed off slowly, the words falling from his lips and his gaze turning to something past her.

Sakura furrowed her eyebrows. She was used to him getting lost in his train of thought, but never in the middle of a conversation, she wasn't quite sure how to react.

He blinked, and his eyes suddenly did not seem so distant. "It didn't feel real," he concluded, not quite picking up where he had left off, "Like I wasn't really there."

"I… see."

She didn't. But she knew this was his first mission and that in itself was enough explanation. In any case, he was doing far better than her when she had gone on her first all those years ago.

"What about yourself?"

"Tired," she said simply, and he nodded in understanding.

The rest of the night passed by in a comfortable silence. It was only a week since she arrived. Two since she was deployed. She just wanted to go home, but war was war and it spared no one.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Yeah so Sakura has PTSD and, even though this has only been briefly touched on, Itachi has dissociative disorder, or more specifically depersonalization-derealization disorder.

The reason that Sakura reacts so strongly to him being there in the range is because of her own conviction to be strong. She's convinced herself that all she's good at is shooting, so if someone is there to witness her failing at this one thing, it would be hurtful. But unfortunately for her, Itachi is pretty observant. Konoha doesn't provide much funding or research to mental health and as such, Sakura is pretty dismissive of it.


	3. Ashes to Ashes

**Chapter 3: Ashes to Ashes...**

 **Things that are dead, she thinks, should stay that way.**

 **.**

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 **.**

Their first mission failure was no one's fault but her own. Sakura did not attempt to convince herself otherwise, and neither would anyone else. That day started early, as every day did. The sun rose but did not shine, hidden behind smoky grey clouds that polluted the sky. Though the weather was nothing out of the ordinary, Sakura woke with a sick feeling her gut and heavy thoughts in her head as she looked to the sky.

Morning briefing revealed that scouts had located an enemy camp about five miles to the northwest. From the looks of it, they were well aware of the nearby Konoha forces and were planning to launch a surprise attack on their base within a few days. Their objective was simple, scout ahead of the Konoha counter forces, set up behind enemy lines, report, and assist. The platoon would set out later in the day.

Iwa was a mountainous region, the ground was uneven and there was rarely large areas of flat land like Sakura was accustomed to in her home. But this came with upsides as well. For example, it gave them much more opportunity to take the high ground, which had always been a struggle in the lands of both Konoha and Kiri.

The place where the Iwa soldiers chose to set up was in a rocky canyon, so they scaled the rock face. Even though they had backtracked to a place far enough away to climb without fear of being caught, panic sent her heart racing every time her heavy boots knocked into a loose stone and it fell tumbling to the ground far below. She refused to look down and kept her body pressed against the jagged ridges of the mountain.

The climb wasn't too particularly long or strenuous. This part that they had decided upon was far shorter than the rest, and at the top it was a slight slope until the mountain capped and became flat land. Along the top was thick brush that hugged the ground. With no other option available to them, they laid flat on their stomachs to crawl through the shrubbery. Twigs and thorns dug into the exposed skin of her face, sharp enough to almost break the skin and paint her skin crimson. Sakura ignored the burning sensation when one caught her cheek and she pressed forward until they closed in on the camp. As she unattached her rifle from her back, Itachi settled in the place next to her.

She held her eye to her scope and explored the area. There looked to be 22 men in the camp, most likely with a few around the perimeter on watch and another few in the tents. Their supplies were not noteworthy, they were not excessively equipped, nor did they appear to have any explosives with them. With such little equipment, it seemed Iwa's intelligence forces had not yet caught on to how large Konoha's base had grown.

After a few more brief seconds of silence, Sakura noted her observations. "22 visible" she whispered, drawing her eye away from the scope to look at him briefly, "No officers."

Itachi, with his sharper sight, nodded in agreement, lowering his binoculars and repeating the information softly into the radio. A reply crackled through, but the volume was turned down far enough so that it was only perceptible to his ears.

She kept her sight trained on the camp, scouring for the commanding officer that had thus far remained hidden from sight. Five more men emerged from the barracks, but they were not the targets she was searching for. Across the camp, a stockhold of weapons was being piled up, with a few soldiers going through and inspecting them. Undoubtedly, they were preparing to launch an attack on the Konoha forces soon.

Just moments later, she saw him, that familiar face through the center of her crosshairs, and her vision ran red. He exited the large tent positioned at the center of the camp, giving a few brief orders to two soldiers that were accompanying him. The emblem sewn into the shoulder of his uniform was blue, decidedly not in accordance with the deep yellow that symbolized Iwa.

She recoiled from the sight.

Itachi paused in his radio transmissions. "What's the matter?" He glanced down at the camp, then at the gun in her hands. "Your hands are shaking."

That hadn't happened since their first mission. The words burned at the tip of his tongue, but he refrained from saying them.

Sakura shook her head and cursed him for being ever so observant. Unable to meet his intense, questioning gaze, she instead focused her attention down her scope again. "Give me distance and velocity."

"6 east, 1500," He frowned. "Tell me what you're doing."

"I'm taking the shot," she seethed, producing a fresh cartridge and shoving in into place, "And I won't miss this time."

"You haven't been cleared to-"

"I don't _care._ " She finally turned to face him, the rage and fire burning in her much stronger than whatever shame that kept her from looking at him, her piercing eyes a striking emerald even under the dull sunlight. "Do you have any clue what it's like to track the same man for months on end? To spend every waking moment learning his movements, his thoughts, his habits, _everything_ about him? And all for nothing because of your own incompetence?"

Sakura did not receive a response, nor did she expect one, yet there was something he left unsaid that made her hesitate for the briefest of seconds. But her mind was already set and she broke his gaze. "I'm taking him out." she repeated, more for herself than him, as an affirmation.

Her hands stopped shaking for the briefest of moments, but it was just enough to line up her shot. Though the gun was equipped with a silencer, the soft noise shook the ominous silence of the camp. Smoke and gunpowder drifted from the rifle's barrel and she quickly pumped the action of the gun.

The man dropped dead, finally and finitely.

Sakura shifted the aim of her weapon, taking out one of the men that were rushing towards the officer's fallen body. "Inform the Captain that Kiri has broken the treaty and allied with Iwa," she said, with an uneven calmness that neither of them could trust.

Itachi did not immediately respond, and the radio sat unused in his hand. "Do you know what you've just done?" he asked. He did not sound angry. Never, never angry. Disappointed, questioning and doubtful perhaps, but he could never express an emotion as intense as anger. (If he could even feel it.)

"Look," she hissed, the rage in her burning enough for the both of them, and she pulled the trigger with unintended ferocity. The bullet exploded from the barrel, but neither of them flinched at the muted, yet sudden sound. "I'll take the reprimanding from Genma or Kakashi, but I sure as hell won't take it from _you_."

He did not respond, but whispered an update into the radio. There was no more talk between them except for a report on the change in wind velocity. As always, he did his job well.

 **.**

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 **.**

The day after, the platoon returned to base camp tired, hungry, and in desperate need of a shower with hot water they didn't have. They settled for bathing with water diverted from the icy wilderness, there was a pond not too far from camp. The water was clean enough and it wasn't like they had much of a choice.

Not much had changed in their absence save for the small amount that the wall had been expanded by the barest amount. It almost enclosed the camp entirely, though it was supposed to have been completed more than two weeks ago. The structural integrity was questionable in come places, the troops were obviously not well-versed in carpentry, but it would do. It would have to, in the very least, there was neither time nor supplies to fortify the structure any more.

The base had also earned itself a name. Not officially, of course, none of the superiors back in Konoha thought it deserved one, evidently, but the troops had taken to calling it "Omega 6". No one was sure where it came from, or really what it meant, but it stuck and more importantly, it was a name. An identification.

Not too long after arriving back, only just enough time to quickly stuff some rations down their throats, Sakura and Itachi had been called into the Captain's office. She found the beige walls of the tent seemed especially interesting as they sat through the lecture. It was nearing an hour at this point and she was certain she had never heard Kakashi talk for so long before.

"All you had to do was follow mission protocol. Was that so difficult to comprehend?" Kakashi glared at them, though most of his ire was directed towards her, "I remember specifically instructing you to not fire until we had reached the second point. We lost seven men yesterday, that was almost half the squad, do you realize this?"

"Captain I-"

"I don't remember giving you permission to talk." He turned to Itachi. "And what the hell were you doing? Sitting back and watching the show!? It might not have been in the job description, but it's your _duty_ to look after one another. Even if it means interference or confrontation with your squad." After letting out a shaky sigh, he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I should have you suspended for this. No, I should have you _discharged_ ," he hissed, "But I know that would be more of a reward than a punishment. Itachi, 30 laps. Sakura, you will be receiving a full mental evaluation and go through basics again, report to Yamato instead of training tomorrow. No dinner rations and 50 laps around camp, go to the med tent when you're done. _Now._ "

The perimeter of the camp was much smaller than Foxtrot 3, or even 12, which made the laps go by quickly. Even so, the terrain was rocky and steep in some places, so it was still punishment enough. (Especially if her feet had anything to say about it in the morning.)

It was also time to think, to reflect, and most importantly, ignore Itachi whenever they fell into step. But he had long legs and was naturally fast, and when that was coupled with his smaller amount of laps, he was finished a full hour before her.

Sakura thought about the mission. It hadn't gone as poorly as Kakashi had made it out to seem. Any mission came with the risk of losing a few men and especially an attack of that magnitude would expect at least a few deaths. And in any case, that was in the natural course of a soldier's life. They should have been prepared to sacrifice their lives for their country.

Her pace slowed, until she was left at a standstill, staring up yet again at the sky. The night was a clear, piercing darkness that was both in her and yet far, far away. The stars seemed to stare back down at her with an inescapable gaze, with a sliver of the moon overseeing all.

When had she grown so callous towards human life? Sometime during the first war, just recently? Or was it in the time in between? Who had given her the right to dictate when a man, a soldier, could and could not die?

Disgusting. She was disgusting, wasn't she? Some mockery of a laugh tore itself from her lips, but it dissipated into the cold night's air and faded away, so she continued on to lap 43.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The last seven laps seemed to take much longer than all the rest combined, but Sakura felt like screaming in excitement when they were finally over. She debated briefly whether to shower first or report to the medical tent right away but before she could make a conscious decision, she found herself sitting on one of the gurneys.

A busty blonde woman stood in front of her, idly flipping through the pages on her clipboard. Tsunade, her name was Tsunade, Sakura briefly noted to herself. During her brief stint in the medical program, she had run into the woman a handful of times, studied under her for a short time, even. Tsunade was an incredibly brilliant doctor, so much so that even the conservative elites had to recognize her abilities and placed her as second-in-command of the combat medic division. But never the head, never first.

In a word Sakura respected her, in three she respected and feared her. She didn't know much about the older woman's past, but she had to be strong to get to where she was today. And even then, they degraded her position by placing her in some no-name camp like the shithole that was Omega 6.

"Kakashi tells me he thinks you've got PTSD."

The words snapped Sakura out of her thoughts and she looked up, her eyebrows crinkled in confusion. "What?"

"Post traumatic stress disorder. A lot of soldiers go through it after war, or sometimes during it."

She pressed her lips together into a thin line and straightened her back, her shoulders going stiff. "Sorry, no, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm fine."

Tsunade stared at her for a few moments, then snorted and flicked her in the forehead. "Look, Sakura, mental illness doesn't mean you're fucked up, alright? Get that shit out of your head. You're just having a little trouble coping with everything. You get nightmares, right? Or flashbacks?"

Sakura stared.

"Right, I'll take that as a yes." She wrote a few things down on her clipboard. "Unfortunately we can't get you to therapy here, but we'll do what we can for now. In the meantime, if anything happens, nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, come talk to me. Hell, talk to anyone you think you can trust. Believe me, it'll help things a lot."

"That's-"

"Easier said than done, I know." Tsunade sighed, crossing her arms and drumming her fingers on her biceps, "But you can't wreck yourself out there, kid. Konoha's taken a lot of you already, you can't let you take anymore."

"Okay," Sakura nodded, and thought back to when Kakashi had fired a gun into the air and he had to pin her down because she pulled a knife on him. She remembered the training she threw herself into just to be able to fire a weapon again. "Okay," she repeated, this time for herself more than anything.

Tsunade watched her, her deep brown eyes tracing the emotions in the younger woman's face. She didn't know all the details of what the girl had gone through (even she wasn't given permission to access the files), but from what Kakashi had purposely let slip, there had been an unfair amount of burden placed on her shoulders from a young age.

"Us women have to be strong to survive."

"Yeah," Sakura replied, a steely, far-away echo in her voice, "I know."

"Good," The blonde shoved a ration bar into her hands, "Now take a fucking shower, you _reek_ ,"

 **.**

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 **.**

As instructed, Sakura dragged her aching body to the showers, but not before scarfing down the food she had been gifted. It helped fill the void in her stomach and was an incredibly generous gift, but after having not eaten for the entire day, it wasn't nearly enough. She showered as quickly as she could and she finally returned to her tent. Though she was clean and could finally rest her sore, aching muscles, the pangs in her stomach persisted.

Itachi was already there when she arrived. The fact that they shared a living space had escaped her until that moment, but she was much too tired to acknowledge him and instead, flung herself face first into her bed roll, burying her face into her small, flat pillow.

She really could have fallen asleep the moment she laid down, but whatever drowsiness plagued her body fled when she was suddenly shook. "What the hell?" she slurred, turning her head just enough to glare at him from the corner of her eye.

If her gaze bothered him, Itachi did not show it. Instead, he simply held out an apple and bread to her.

"What's this?" Sakura asked incredulously, shifting her body to sit up, but not making any motion to take the food.

"Dinner."

"Are you insane? You'll get in more trouble if you get found out." Her eyes narrowed. "I don't need your pity if that's what this is about. I'm the one who made the decision to go against the Captain's direct orders, I'll take the punishment for it and I don't need your help with that."

His brow furrowed and he looked strangely troubled, as if searching for the right words to answer her with. "It's not," he slowly responded, after a few moments of silence, "We're partners and we must take care of each other. That is why you and Sasuke worked so well together, correct?"

Though he certainly meant no harm, his words stung and she was rather unsure how to respond.

Itachi seemed to immediately pick up on this and hurried to correct himself. "I didn't mean it like that, I'm s-"

"It's fine." Sakura rushed to cut him off before he said more words she didn't want to hear. Of all people deserving apologies, she certainly was not one of them. "Thank you," she said awkwardly, and hesitantly took the food from him. The small helping wasn't much, not even enough to quell the pangs in her stomach, but he had put himself at risk by sneaking it out for her.

He watched her eat. His eyes, those frustratingly bottomless pools of obsidian, focused intensely upon her, as if studying her movements. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, pretending not to notice.

"Look, if you want to ask me something, just go ahead and ask it."

He wastes no time and spares no formalities. "Who was he?"

"General Jo Inouye of Kiri, age 38. His father was a former captain and his mother was a combat medic. Two brothers and a sister, the sister died in the war and the brothers served but survived. Married with one daughter. Enlisted at 17 and rose through the ranks quickly for his efficiency in training his men and his battle prowess. However, his plans are known for being risky, at the cost of the lives of his own men. He starts each morning with a cup of tea, milk but no sugar, because he hates the taste of coffee but can't function without caffeine. In high school, he suffered an injury from a sports incident and favors his right leg."

Sakura cut herself off with a grimace, she had memorized his file years ago (hell, she had filled out the damn thing) and the information never filtered itself out of her brain. "I was assigned to him during the last war. It was one of my first mission failures."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He said it hesitantly, in an unsure tone that she was unused to. It was foreign, as if Itachi was anything but sure of himself. Cautious, yes, but never uncertain.

"No," she snapped, and then immediately regretted it, turning away to hide the burning shame betrayed in her face, "Not now."

The tension in the room was worse than when they had first begun talking.

"Goodnight," Itachi said, a sort of peace offering.

"Yes," she shuddered, feeling the weight of his gaze on her back, "Goodnight."

 **.**

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A short chapter _and_ I've been absent for more than a year. Sorry! I can't even promise another one very soon but I've started work on it, so that's something?

So why don't Tsunade and Sakura share a tent if they're the two of the only females in the base? There's some luxury to being a commanding officer and more often than not, Tsunade sleeps in the med tent.


End file.
